Well I'm just praising the Lord right now because of an e-mail I just received from Pastor Wayne Clabaugh from In The Garden Ministries. He's is doing a wonderful study on healing. http://www.inthegarden.us/devotions.htm I emailed him because his study and devotional have been a blessing to me. But I asked that big question - "Why doesn't God heal some people even when they pray using the word of God".
God is so awesome because he used Pastor Wayne to clarify a misconception I had which I wrote about earlier. I was feeling as if when Frank died part of my spirit died with him because the two of us had become one. Pastor Wayne knew nothing at all about how I was feeling because I hadn't shared that with him. But God knew and used this man of God to clarify for me that Frank's spirit still lives through me, through Nikki and that even though Frank is gone we will declare the works of the Lord for him. Yes Frank is gone but I'm still here and God will continue to use me to minister to others about how wondeful our God is and how he can do everything - restore marriages, fill you with forgiveness, love your spouse more than you've ever loved your spouse before. Ha, just the other day one of my friends told me that since Frank's death she has a different appreciation for her husband and I said, yes Lord my honey is gone but our marriage can still touch other marriages. Thank you Jesus. I was just asking the Lord yesterday and today to please show me where I should place my focus so that I'm not focusing on my pain and He has shown me. My husband may have died but what we had will live on and God will use what we had to minister to others and I know that Frank would be so touched and happy to hear that I'm allowing God to use me to touch hurting people and hurting marriages.
Frank lives through me and will not die (has eternal life in heaven) and through me Frank will declare the works of the Lord. Praise the Lord!!!
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I woke up today feeling good and thought, okay maybe this will be a good day. But by mid-morning I found out my mother in-law was in the hospital again and if that wasn't enough I was told Frank's car needs new head gaskets. I stepped out for lunch just so that I could go somewhere and scream and ask God what is going on and when, when will you put a stop to this. I was pretty angry. I started to remind God of my prayers - my prayers for Frank's healing, my prayers for my mother in-laws healing, my prayers so that the car situation would not be a big deal... I reminded him that his word says if we call on Him he hears us so what's going on. Then later in the day it finally hit me, God is the God of the valley as well as the mountaintop and while in the valley I just have to keep looking up - where does my help come from. Sure I hurt and I'll be hurting for quite some time, but I can't let the enemy think that he can take me down for he can only take me where I allow him to do so. My plan is to take my focus off of my situation and onto what God wants me to focus on - whether it's helping someone else, whether it's just focusing more on Him and His word - whatever God wants, that's where my focus will go. Treasure in the deep sea are found in the deepest darkest of waters so this is a season where it seems pretty dark but God will pull forth the treasures. Thank you Jesus. Well today I went back to work after a week of being off. I must admit, it took a lot to concentrate on my work and by the end of the day when my staff came to me with questions I basically just told them to do whatever they wanted. A little empowerment can't hurt :) Today has been a difficult day. I didn't go to church because I just needed to rest and I really just needed time alone. I couldn't see myself around anyone today and giving folks the easy answer to "How are you?" "Oh, I'm okay". I just couldn't do that today. Although for the most part I am okay given the circumstances today is a day where I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to scream so loud a scream that comes from way down from the pit of my belly. Maybe before the day is done I'll do that. The word says that husbands are to cleave to their wives. It also says that the two become one. The bible uses the word cleave when it refers to our relationship with Jesus too. Clearly it's a powerful word and means that you give your all and hold on with all your might. So my struggle is that Frank and I truly did become one in every way - spiritually too. So I really feel as if part of my spirit has died. I don't know if I'm explaining this but we were one and now he's gone so it's like the "one" was split and it's hard, so hard living without that part of my oneness. I know God will help me through this and I'll be okay because of my Lord but oh my goodness this is hard. How do you deal with feeling alone even in a crowded room. Today was another rough day. Actually the past few days have been hard. I miss my husband terribly. I've been asking the Lord to please let me at least have a dream with Frank, a glimpse of him in heaven. Well today I finally had a dream with him. In the dream he was with a young little boy. They barged into our bedroom and said as only Frank could say it "Hi Mommy". In the background I saw a best friend of mine who passed away many years ago. She too was a Christian. I woke up smiling and said, Lord my honey is with his son. Frank had a son in a previous marriage that died weeks after being born. God has united them. They both looked so, so happy. I plan to use this website to help me deal with the loss of my husband. Writing tends to sometimes help relieve the pain. It will be a site that my friends and family can also check to see "how we are REALLY doing". |
AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
April 2016
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