This has been a really strange season with many different emotions. I find myself sometimes so tired. I feel like I'm running, and running, doing and doing and not getting anywhere at all. Then the questions pop up - what are you doing, why are you doing it, what are you trying to accomplish and what should you be doing. I stepped into my prayer room today and just cried and cried because I'm just tired of doing, running and feeling like I'm not getting anywhere or doing much of anything. I don't know if anyone can really understand what I'm saying unless you've been there too. I believe deep in my heart that this "restless" feeling is because God wants to do something new in me and for whatever reason I'm not at that place in order for him to finish the work in me. So my prayer is that He show me what I need to do to get there. I'm also trying not to stay in that place of sadness because some of these feelings are due to missing my husband so much. I feel so alone so many times and yet I have no desire to be with any other man at all - NONE. So I remind myself that God is my husband and as I desired to spend time with my husband that God wants me to spend that intimate time now with Him. So it's a deeper walk, a deeper search that He's calling me unto.
Losing someone that you planned to spend your life with, that your future plans were based on has got to be "one" of the hardest things to lose. I have finally come to the acceptance that I just can't "stay" where I am out of fear of the unknown and that I must start to think about what's next, where does the Lord want me, am I to move out the state one day as Frank and I had talked about. I know that God has a plan for me and I just have to keep searching and asking my Lord what's that plan and make sure I'm on the right path. Clearly life has changed now that I'm without my hubby and that's quite a scary feeling but it's what it's is and I must force myself to take the risks, challenges that God has placed before me so I continue to pray for strength, wisdom, guidance and revelation that only comes from my Lord. He's pulled me through this far so He'll continue to get me through.
Losing someone that you planned to spend your life with, that your future plans were based on has got to be "one" of the hardest things to lose. I have finally come to the acceptance that I just can't "stay" where I am out of fear of the unknown and that I must start to think about what's next, where does the Lord want me, am I to move out the state one day as Frank and I had talked about. I know that God has a plan for me and I just have to keep searching and asking my Lord what's that plan and make sure I'm on the right path. Clearly life has changed now that I'm without my hubby and that's quite a scary feeling but it's what it's is and I must force myself to take the risks, challenges that God has placed before me so I continue to pray for strength, wisdom, guidance and revelation that only comes from my Lord. He's pulled me through this far so He'll continue to get me through.