Those of you who know me know that I am not a morning person. But this morning I was up at 7:45 because the landscapers were coming to my house to begin some serious work in my yard. Well after I'm up, dressed and ready they called to tell me they will be very late. I thought to myself, man I could have slept later. I was wide awake so no chance of going back to sleep and I found myself in my prayer room. I'll be honest, it's been a while since I've been in my prayer room. But I felt the spirit of the Lord calling me down there. As I knelt to pray I didn't even know what to pray for but I always start of my prayers by asking God to forgive me for any sins committed and to cleanse me from head to toe. I asked him to forgive me for not being as intimate with him as I use to be and asked him to please help me not to allow the busyness of my life, of my responsibilities to keep me away from our truly intimate time. Suddenly I heard the spirit of the Lord lead me to Psalm 63 and to make that Psalm my prayer. As I started to read out loud Psalm 63 I realized that once again the Lord saw my heart and helped me put into words those things deep in my heart. I love my Jesus with all my heart but being a single mom and being a widow has not come naturally to me. I've allowed the busyness of my life, the demands on me to take away from that intimate time with my Lord but he knows my heart and reminded me through this Psalm who he is to me and how much he means to me. I was in tears in my prayer room as I said this Psalm out loud knowing that God truly is with me even when I don't think I'm giving him my all. The enemy of my soul would have me think that I'm not "good enough" but God says, "I'm with you always". As His word says, I can't go anywhere without Him.
So I'm about to end my wonderful prayer time and start my day with His blessings when I hear the Lord say, it's time for "New Beginnings", "time to stop looking back and looking forward". Again I begin to cry and say Lord, what, what are you planning to do, what are these new beginnings. Lord if it's a new man in my life I'm just not ready for anything like that, the thought of holding hands or kissing another man repulses me. I just kept hearing new beginnings and time to stop procrastinating and set your mind to do the things you want to do, things you need to do, things you desire to do. I'm hearing everything and taking it all in knowing that he who began a great work in me will bring it to its completion but what's with the new beginnings. You see that term new beginnings has special meaning to me because several years ago the Lord spoke to my heart and let me know I'd have a ministry or something called New Beginnings. So I feel the Lord is plowing the ground. Hmm, as I'm writing I just got another revelation. The landscapers are coming to dig out part of my yard, some serious plowing going to be done, a new drainage system being placed and removal of the beat up paverstones and old dirty rocks. They are placing a new stone pathway in my yard. I hear the Lord saying, remember that for everything that happens in the natural something is being done in the spiritual. So yes, as my yard is being dug up, the old being replaced by the new, God is doing a "plowing" job in me to prepare me for the "new beginning", to drain out of me the things that need to go, and to prepare for the new growth, the new path. Thank you Holy Spirit for that revelation.
So once again I'm about to close my prayer but I'm still wondering what's the new beginning and still repulsed by the thought of another man in my life right now. I'm about to close my bible and I say Lord, I'll do whatever you want. I'm about to close my bible when I open to Isaiah 54. What an awesome chapter, in this chapter the Lord reminded me that although I no longer have a husband, I will bear more children than a woman who has children (not physical children - but God's fruit vs 1), that I am to move forward, enlarge my tent , extend my cords (reach far) and not hold back vs 2, that he will/has called me back "a wife distressed and deserted in spirit, a wife who married young only to be rejected" vs 6 and that He, the Lord Almighty, my redeemer is MY HUSBAND vs 5. I truly do have the best husband anyone could have athe Lord God is His name. Funny, one more revelation, look at the banner above on my web site - what do you see, a beautiful "lighted" new path. Jesus is amazing how he confirms things.
Thank you God for a wonderful time this morning till we talk again real soon.
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In the past couple of days there have been several deaths of well known celebraties - Ed Mc Mahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. So many is so few days it just brings me back to my honey who also died to early. It's hard losing someone but as I look at my husband's life and I look at the life of these hollywood stars that died, I know that no matter how much they had my husband would have never traded his life for their lives. My hubby may have had some difficult times but I know that I know that his last 25 years were some of the best of his life. I know that I know that God purposely brought us together to give each other the love and happiness that many people never experience. There has been so much going on that I'm sometimes so overwhelmed. I guess I just get frustrated because I want things to mov Well this weekend I went to the Stars Retreat. The Stars is a girls group from 3rd - 5th graders. I have a small group this year, only two girls but it's been great because we've really bonded with each other. I've been going to these retreats for several years now and as I'm sitting during the rally it hits me that the reason things seem so different is because I wasn't able to talk to my honey. As a matter of fact at one point I had even thought of calling my husband when I came to my senses and realized I couldn't do that. However, I did good in that I didn't sit there and dwell on that. I knew that had I done that it would have taken away from the blessings that God had for me at the retreat. As a result, I had a great time with my girls. Life is all about choices. Even your mood is all about choices so I made a choice to keep my chin up and have a good time with my girls. It's been a really tiring time. I'm trying to figure out exactly why because it's not like I've not been through a Summer without my hubby. He died last year just before the Summer. I think it may be due to lots going on with Nikki and college searches, reality of this new season with my daughter being grown, and lots of things that need to be done around the house. I really just need to remind myself to relax but that's hard to do when there is so much that still needs to be done around the house. |
AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
April 2016
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