It will soon be five years since I lost my husband. I find myself spending these days remembering the pain that I was feeling during this time. My days were spent running back and forth to the hospital, praying, crying, hoping.... I remember how my friends and family were there by my side and I remember seeing the pain on my daughter's face as she saw her daddy, her strong super-hero daddy laying there helpless. I remember as if it were yesterday hearing the doctor's tell me that I must prepare for what's coming and that my husband will not come out of the coma. These memories have been consuming these days but God has reminded me to focus on the answered prayers He gave me. Yes my hubby went home to be with the Lord but before that God allowed my husband to wake from his coma and whisper in my ear that he loved me. He allowed me the time to tell him that I love him. He allowed us the time to talk about where his heart was and to ensure he didn't have any unforgiveness or sins that he needed to release. He allowed my husband to hear his daughter tell him that he was her super-hero. I remember walking into the hospital room and him telling me that Nikki told him he was her super-hero. He was so, so touched by her saying that. In the midst of the pain, God was there and held us through it all. In the midst of the pain we shared some love and joy and for that I am eternally grateful. As my husband laid there and took his last breath that too was another answered prayer because my husband's wish was to have me by his side when his time came to depart from this world. It's five years later and everything is still so vivid in my mind but I am also reminded of how far God has brought me, how he has provided for me in ways that I could never truly express, how he has strengthened me, how he has made me wiser and how he has shown me that though my earthly husband is gone, I have a husband in Jesus that will never leave me. I am reminded that I am never alone because I have the best husband I could ever have and that is my Jesus.
Life does go on and somehow you find your new "normalcy". That was the most difficult part of the grieving for me. I have moved on and found a special someone in my life and only God knows what will happen with him but in the meantime I know that God has me in the palm of His hands.
So on these days where I've been thinking about my last days with my husband, I am also remembering my Jesus who died and rose again for me so that I am never alone. Life goes on, somehow it gets easier but you never, ever forget because love never dies and death cannot take away the memories sealed in your heart.
Update 7/12/2013 - I mentioned above that I had a special person in my life. I thought that we would have a future together but that is not the case. I don't understand why this has happened but I know God has a plan. It hurt me tremendously and I was tempted to go back in my shell and protect myself from being hurt again. However, I have never allowed fear to overcome me and I'm not about to start now so onward I go to what God has for me. I wait on Jesus expecting only but the best from Him as I move on to yet another new beginning. The new beginning is not a point and time in life but a journey of hope.
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8
Update 3/30/2016 - My FB newsfeed brought me to this posting today and I just needed to update it yet again. Sometimes what you think you want is not what's best for you and God always has a plan. As you read above, I went through a break-up with the first boyfriend I had after my husband's death. Though I didn't understand the break-up then, it became clear to me in 2014 when God brought this man into my life that showed me so much love, respect and treated me like a queen. He also honored my husband's memory in too many ways to mention here. I married this wonderful man on June 20, 2016. We had my dream wedding on a beach. Does it still hurt that my late husband is gone, absolutely. But the pain is now much more bearable due to passing of the years (eight) and this awesome husband I have in my life who loves me unconditionally, honors my husband's memory in every way and loves my daughter unconditionally. I could not have asked for a better man. So, if you are a widow or widower, please be encouraged, it does get more bearable. Blessings!!!