Happy Thanksgiving!! Today was one of those "firsts". It was our first Thanksgiving since Frank's passing. I woke up actually quite sad as I looked over to the side of the empty, lonely bed and remembered how much life he brought into these special holidays. Then I smiled thinking of some of the good moments we've had together on Thanksgiving and just asked the Lord to please help me again through what could be a difficult day. As I ran around and did so much God would send me a special gift, my daughter. She took up a lot of the slack that her father use to do and truly helped me. She made delicious cookies, a beautiful, tasty salad, placed the food on the table and then washed the dishes. I'm truly, truly blessed to have such a wonderful daughter. I know Frank would be proud. It was a quiet day. I didn't hear from folks I thought I would hear from but I heard from folks I didn't expect to hear from. I was truly touched that as some folks were getting ready to gather with their families they were thinking of me and Nikki remembering this was our first Thanksgiving without Frank.
We have a tradition that every year around the dinner talbe we give thanks to at least one thing. I was giving thanks and Nikki said, hey mom you said one thing and I said but I have a lot to be thankful for - and I truly do. So I thank God for this day, for my family, for my wonderful daughter, for my Lord's love, mercy, grace, strength, provision that gets me through each day, for my friends and a very special friend - Pastor Wayne from "In the Garden" devotionals. He is just an amazing man, a man full of wisdom and a man who God has used to touch me and say just the right things. He truly has been a gift from God to me. He and his wife sent me a beautiful e-card and it touched me so much that this man, who I only have known since Frank passed, took the time to think of me and Nikki and send me a card. Truly I saw that as a touch straight from the hands of God.
Well I'm heading into my bedroom to read my devotional, pray and then go to sleep. Again I thank God that he helped me through this day. Our next big first is Christmas, then New Year's, then our Anniversary. After that we'll be done with all the "firsts" until April 6 - which will be a year since Frank went home to Jesus.
God bless you all who read this and thanks for praying for us.
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Today is a big day for us. It's Nikki's 16th birthday. Such a special day, such a special age and she seems to have done well. Early this morning the Lord reminded me that on the day Nikki was born it was raining, just like today. He reminded me that on the way to the hospital, after one prior false labor hospital visit, that as Frank was driving he said, "good things happen to me on rainy days". Well he was right, Nikki was born. I just smiled as the Lord reminded me of that because I just felt it was another gift from the Lord and another way for him to bring Frank to me spiritually. As a matter of fact at exactly 12:44, the time Nikki was born, it started to down pour just like the day she was born. I had my moments of sadness as I recall other special birthdays and how Frank always made Nikki feel like such a princess. But then I reminded myself to be thankful for the times we did have together and that he was able to be such a good daddy to my precious princess. Again I have to thank the Lord for helping us through another day. God is just so awesome. Every day I wake up and I think, "okay Lord, what will today bring". I pray that it will be a good day for both Nikki and I. Some days I do pretty good and there are those days that I wish I could just hide under my covers and escape from the world. Clearly I don't know what awaits me every day, what awaits me tomorrow but there is ont thing I do know, God has me in the palm of His hand. I've had my moments where I think of what about tomorrow because I never planned to be alone. Frank and I had planned a future together, our retirement together so now what. Honestly walking on this new journey without and directional signs is sometimes not easy but it all comes down to trust. I trust my Lord and know that it's going to be okay because He's with me. I was reminded today of my posting of November 1st (Frank's birthday). I was searching the web today for something to help a widow friend who has started to date. But God lead me to something that would remind me of my earlier posting. He led me to an article where a Rabbi is counseling a woman who is ready to date. He's sharing with her about a show where a woman's husband had died in a tragic car accident in her arms. Years later the woman still had, in a special box, her bloody dress. She couldn't move on with her life until she buried that dress and she had to make a decision every day to choose life. The Rabbi shared that we must choose life every day. He said, you cannot sit around and expect your feelings of grief to simply dissipate. You must choose life, even if you don't feel like it. He said, life is not an emotion, it's a choice. And it's something we must choose whether or not our emotions compel us to and whether or not we feel ready. He told the woman that she must return to the life of the living. AMEN!! He said, her husband's memory should not be a dark cloud that haunts her existence but the memory of his life should be an inspiration, not a painful albatross and that he should be commemorated not memoralized. AMEN!!! Sorry it's been a while since I've written but it's been a busy period. I've spent the last few weeks preparing my talk for a Tres Dias weekend retreat. The word says that I have overcome Satan by the Blood of the Lamb and by the word of my testimony. I hold on to this scripture with all of my heart. I am an overcomer because of my Lord. During this weekend I shared about my valley season and gave praises to God who has pulled Nikki and I through this season. Sure we hurt and we will always hurt but I know that I know that there will be much beauty for these ashes and God will continue to complete the work in me and in Nikki. God is the great I AM and as such it's Him and only Him that I count on. My faith and my love for Him gives me the strength that I need every day. I feel His hand holding me, I feel His fingers wiping my tears and I hear Him saying to me "Well done my good and faithful servant". I hear Him say to me, because you trusted in me, because you gave it all to me I will bless you, I will use you. My response to HIm, I receive your blessing and use me Lord in whatever way you want. This weekend away I went to bless others but God told me that He was going to bless me. Oh and I was so, so blessed. T Today is a special day, it's my hubby's birthday. Today I'm remebering once again a wonderful song tha we both loved so much. I remember him calling me from Florida and singing the song to me several months after returning home. It's a song that truly describes our love and how so much of life, so many people, so many circumstances came between us but all we really wanted to do was love each other. Here is a youtube of the song sung by Luis Miguel. It's in Spanish but I'll try and translate the words into English the best I can. For several days now I kept hearing in my spirit the scripture about the dead burying the dead. I finally decided to heed to the leading of the Holy Spirit and look up the scripture. In Luke 9:59-60 it states "Jesus said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." In the Message version it's pretty forceful, it states - "First things first. Your business is life, not death. And life is urgent: Announce God's kingdom!" Wow, so I sit here and here that God is saying to me with an urgency, I have a work to do in proclaiming God's kingdom and I can't do it if I allow myself to get stuck in my grief, in my pain. No God is not saying that I can't grieve, I have felt His presence with me so much during my grieving. I believe He is holding me through the grieving but also urging me to move forward to do the work He has called me to do. In Deuteronomy 32:10-12 it states "In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste, He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The Lord alone led him;no foreign god was with him." I'm in that desert place and the Lord has shielded me, cared for me, guarded me and has hovered over me, and has spread his wings over me. But just like with the eagletes, there comes the time where they must leave the nest. I recently read the following, " When a baby eagle fledges (loses its fluffy baby down and grows flying feathers) a parent will hover over the nest and flap its wings. As the fledgling stretches for food, it mimics the parents and flaps its newly feathered wings. The subsequent wind that the parent makes, will cause the baby to rise slightly above the nest as the baby is also flapping its own wings." This is how the parents of the baby eagles teach and urge them to start flying, to get out of the nest, out of the comfort zone. |
AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
April 2016
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