I had stated several weeks ago that I may stop writing in this blog on the anniversary of Frank's passing. However, I was feeling like the Lord was saying I should continue. Then this weekend at church someone shared with me how this blog has touched them and I now know that was confirmation that I must continue writing. This individual blessed me so much in sharing the things she shared and I just thank the Lord that people are being touched by this blog and by my restored marriage. God truly is amazing and truly does bring beauty from ashes. The feeling shared by this individual made me look back at the old posts and I was blessed to see what God has done in my life and is still doing.
In about another 5 days it will be a year since Frank died. I know that day will be extremely rough but I also know that God will get us through it. Things are much better in that I do feel much stronger but I do still miss him terribly. I still have my days where I just want to cry but at least they are not as often. I can only say that's not my strenght but God's. I know that I know that God has a plan for me and for Nikki so I will continue to wait on Him and be ready to follow His leading. It's all about making choices. I've made a choice to continue to live on, to continue to love, to continue to laugh, to continue to praise my Lord and to continue to trust Him. God, and only God has been the one to do everything in me and through me and to Him goes all the glory!!!
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It was a year ago today that I was going crazy trying to reach my husband at home and he was not answering. I feel the pain again as I feared my husband was home dead. I thank the Lord that he was not and that although Frank went into a coma, a year ago today, God answered my prayer and brought him out of that coma. In doing so, God answered one of my biggest desires, for us to tell each other one last time how much we love each other. We did so for a week until the Lord then took Frank to be with him. Today is a hard day as I think on the time last year that was the beginning of our lives changing. Yesterday was my best friend Kurt's going home service. I danced to "I Can Only Imagine" which is the same song I danced to at Frank's service. I believe they were both looking down smiling. It was hard being at our old church where we all came to know the Lord and worshipped together and knowing that never again would we worship together, at least not here. Better worhsip is coming when we all meet up again and take up from where we left off. Earlier this week I received news that truly just brought me to my knees. My best friend, Kurt Schafer, passed away from a heart attack. God used Kurt to bring my whole family to the Lord - started with Frank on June 11 1998 and then Nikki and I three days later. Kurt was truly a man after God's own heart and he was relentless when it came to leading people to Christ. Frank and Kurt were good buddies and they both were true warriors. Kurt was like a dad to Nikki so this has been pretty hard for her too. We don't understand why things happen as they do but the only consolation I have is that I know Kurt is in heaven and he and Frank have picked up where they left off here. Heaven now has two awesome warriors. Nikki said it's ironic that Kurt passed away so close to the anniversary of Frank's death. This has been a difficult time as I find myself reliving the last few weeks of Frank's life and now with the death of Kurt I'm just numb. I can't believe it has almost been a month since I last wrote in my blog. For a while there I felt good, strong and sometimes I even felt some joy. However, this month has been extrememly rough. Looking at me you wouldn't know it's been rough but I sometimes feel like I'm carrying my heart in my hands. It was this month last year when I wondered on many occassions what would be our fate as I looked at my husband just slowly phsically fade away more and more. It was this time last year when I remember my cousin coming over with my nieces and her husband and although she didn't say it, I knew that they came to see Frank because they knew he would be dying soon. She lived through it with my aunt so I know she knew. So yes, it's been rough. |
AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
April 2016
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