For those of you who were at Frank's memorial service, you heard this song during the beautiful video tribute my cousin made for me. This was our favorite song that we would sing to each other. As a matter of fact, when Frank was in the coma I would sing this song to him. When he woke from the coma I asked him if he heard me singing to him and he said yes, he even told me which song I was singing.
The words truly express how we felt about each other because we were always there to encourage each other and give each other hope. In the song the singer says "you are my lucky star" but Frank use to always say "you are my morning star". He always touched me so much when he would say that. Anyway, here's the link to the song on YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fJ5-smFOVg&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bapk9zY5lbcs
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It's been a rough few weeks. I've found myself crying and missing him more lately. I don't know if it's because it'll soon be six months but it's been strange. I thought it would get easier but I do recall reading that there will come a point where suddenly you'll feel like you are back at the beginning. Today I pulled out my dream journal to look for something. Mind you I looked in this dream journal yesterday but didn't see this letter. But today when I opened it, it opened up to a letter Frank had written in my journal. Now I don't remember him ever giving me this letter - he may have. Sad to say that if he did I may not have shown the same kind of gratitude I'm showing today because he was physically here. Though that shouldn't matter - we unfortunately take things and people for granted when they are around. So sad but true. Well anyway as I started to read it I had such a mix of emotions. I smiled because I saw it as a gift from God to give me just a little dose of Frank's love today and then I cried to think that I will never receive letters like this from him again. So life is all about how you look at things, I could sit here crying the rest of the day and mope or I could just thank the Lord for this daily dose of love and thank the Lord that I knew what it was to love and to be loved. It's hard but I choose the latter of the two. Here's the letter I found today written by Frank on Tuesday, 1-24-2006: I don't understand this at all and I don't know if anything necessariy triggered this but I was doing so, so well and since Friday I've just been so down in the dumps. I cry at the drop of a dime. I miss my husband so, so much. I heard an awesome sermon on Sunday by our youth pastor and I just had to go up to the altar because I've just been feeling so, so worn out, tired, feeling like I just can't go on, feeling like I'm just walking around doing but it's like doing much of nothing. I can't explain it at all. I just want God to take this pain away. I know it's only because of God that I'm standing and I'm able to go on but oh Lord this pain in my heart, this hole in my heart is sometimes just so unbearable. Lord God help me. When Frank and I first started getting pretty serious about each other he would always surprise me with a beautiful Lily. Till this day I love Lilliesl. I didn't even know what a Lily was till he gave them to me. Well I just learned today that Lily means - "Love You Forever". Now you see that's special to me because I see that as just another way of God talking to me and giving me something he knew would make me smile today. I've been doing pretty good for the past few weeks and I give thanks to the Lord. But today I asked, well is this the calm before the storm. Why do I ask that - well because we are going into a season of "firsts". My birthday is coming up soon, followed by Frank's birthday, followed by Nikki's birthday, followed by Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas and then New Years. I'm truly, truly not looking forward to any of these day so if you want to know how to pray, please pray that God would just give us tremendous strength throughout this upcoming season and that he give us guidance of what to do so that these days will not be as painful. I've noticed that when I'm helping others I can't focus on my pain so maybe Nikki and I will do something on Thanksgiving where we are helping others on that day. I don't know but please pray for us. It's unbelievable to think that it's been 7 years since the horrible tragedy of 9/11. I feel so much for the people who lost family on this day and know that tomorrow will be such a huge day of pain. Everyone can remember where they were and what they were doing on that day. I can clearly recall being in a meeting when we were given the news and the first thing I wanted to do was call my husband. I remember when we talked we were just happy to be there for each other and he wanted me to get home quickly to pick up Nikki from school. I remember when he arrived home how we just hugged each other tightly thanking the Lord that none of us were part of the tragedy. That day just did something to us and to many I'm sure where you just wanted to hold your spouse tighter, hold your child tighter and just thank God. Well on this anniversary of 9/11 I will not have my husband to hold tight so I ask you to hold your spouse just a little tighter and thank God that you both still have each other. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Ecc 3:1 |
AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
April 2016
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