Today has been a difficult day. I didn't go to church because I just needed to rest and I really just needed time alone. I couldn't see myself around anyone today and giving folks the easy answer to "How are you?" "Oh, I'm okay". I just couldn't do that today. Although for the most part I am okay given the circumstances today is a day where I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to scream so loud a scream that comes from way down from the pit of my belly. Maybe before the day is done I'll do that.
One of the difficult things I struggle with is the silence and the free time. I guess you don't realize how much you talk to your hubby till he's gone. The silence is deadly. I find myself struggling with "what do I do" when we always did everything together. Nothing seems truly fulfilling when trying to keep occupied because I feel so alone.
I know that this too will past but boy I tell you it can't pass fast enough. I need prayer and lots of it for even prayer has become something diffifult to do. I find myself getting ready to pray and don't have much to say but HELP. I know that's okay and I know God is with me but it seems right now that He's not talking. Maybe He's just holding me right now in His arms.
Psalm 94:19 (The Message) The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," your love, God, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.
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AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
April 2016
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