As I mentioned in my last blog, I had a great, great time but I still missed hubby. We went "zip-lining" (hanging on a trail chord going from tree to tree 90 ft in the air) and that was quite an experience. There was a father and his 9 year old daughter on the trip. He asked where was my husband and I told him. He said, well he's still with you in spirit. Yes he was. He heard how uncomfortable and scared I was about this zip-line adventure and asked why was I doing it. Well I said, my husband was the adventurous and sponateneous one and my daughter always reminds me about that. She tells me that's one of the things she misses most about her dad so I feel like I have to do this so that I can try to fill that hole for her. The things we do for our children. I told Nikki if Daddy were here you know that I would be at the hotel, soaking under the sun or getting a massage and you would be here doing this crazy stuff with daddy. She laughed and said, yep. So I survived zip lining and a first island vacation without hubby. I did have a ball but there were several instances where I had to truly ask the Lord to help me and strenghten me because there were those times I just wanted to cry. I finally did end up crying on our last day. We were walking in the airport and a vendor was selling these beautiful CDs and she had them playing out loud and a song comes on that my honey use to sing to me or leave me phone messages with him singing me this song. I heard the song and so did Nikki and she looked at me, I said Nikki that's one of Daddy's songs to me and she smiled. I continued to walk and the tears just started to come down. Nikki saw me crying and held my hand. I walked through the crowds with my dauhter and friends and yet felt so alone. Fortunately it was an overwhelming cry but it was something I had to release.
I know my husband's spirit was with me and I know he was happy that I was having a good time. I'm sure he was shocked that I was jumping from tree top to tree top. That's not something he would have expected of me nor something I would have expected of myself. However, I've come to truly appreciate life and realize that it must be enjoyed because you never know when you are leaving. I truly have come to appreciate life and I remind myself always to look around and appreciate what God has blessed me with and continue on this journey.
Our plane ride back was a rough one. Lot of turbulence and I was surely praying. I stopped and said, well Lord I know you'll get us back safely because I'm not done in this world yet. I know the Lord has a purpose for me and I know that I know that I'm not done. As a matter of fact, I know that I've not reached that place where I totally understand God's purpose and plan so I've been asking him lately more and more, Lord please direct me on the path to your purpose for my life, show me Lord what your purpose is in my life. I do not want to leave this world without truly fulfilling God's purpose for my life. I think many people leave this world without fulfilling God's purpose because they get so caught up in their plans without really seeking the Lord for His plans. I want God's plans for my life and that's what I'm determined to find