I can't believe it has almost been a month since I last wrote in my blog. For a while there I felt good, strong and sometimes I even felt some joy. However, this month has been extrememly rough. Looking at me you wouldn't know it's been rough but I sometimes feel like I'm carrying my heart in my hands. It was this month last year when I wondered on many occassions what would be our fate as I looked at my husband just slowly phsically fade away more and more. It was this time last year when I remember my cousin coming over with my nieces and her husband and although she didn't say it, I knew that they came to see Frank because they knew he would be dying soon. She lived through it with my aunt so I know she knew. So yes, it's been rough.
Nikki cried at church a few weeks ago as she got up to pray for a friend at church who has been struggling with some health issues. His name is also Frank and she just cried thinking that this time last month everyone was praying so much for her daddy. Yes my heart aches and I know this too shall past and I also know that as bad as I feel, it could be worst. I'm grateful for the strength the Lord has given me and the people he has placed around me for such a time as this.
So although I hurt, I know it's part of the grieving process and I also know that I can't stay here so I don't. I continue to move on to the prize the Lord has for me and I continue to say, "Lord, use me. Don't let what I have gone through go to waste but use me Lord". I miss my husband in ways that nobody can imagine unless they've experienced this kind of pain. I miss his hugs, his sweet caress. I miss his sweet voice, his laugh and his silly sayings and dances, wow, I even miss being the victim of his Aikido moves (now that's bad). But you know, I'm grateful that I had what I had. Nikki and I were chatting the other day and we both agreed that as much as we miss him, it's much better to have had him and miss him then never to have had him at all.
I know a time will come that people will believe that I should be done with this and over it but I don't think you ever quite get over such a loss. No I don't think you do, but you just learn to continue to live on and love the life you have.
Again, thanks for your prayers and your love.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
April 2016
Categories |