I woke up this morning with tears. Tears as I look over to my husbands side of the bed that is totally empty. Tears as I think of the last moments with him and how I wish I had done things differently. Tears because I miss him so much. I miss him most on the weekends because he truly was my best friend and we did everything together. I just ask God if it's possible for him to just tell my husband how much I love him and miss him and that I'm so sorry I didn't give him the kiss before leaving this world to take with him to the next world. It's something that really bothers me and I ask God why, why was I trying to be so strong, why didn't I just give him that last kiss and whisper in his ear as he left this world to transition to the next. My Lord responded with, once again child you were trying to be strong for someone else - Frank's mom. I guess I had to be strong so that she wouldn't lose it but oh how I wish I could have done all those things. I will always remember when one of my best friends died - Tim. He died in his wife's arms while she was trying to give him mouth to mouth. She was trying to breath life into her husband's body and it just touched me because I thought God gave him life and the one who loved Tim the most was giving Tim his last breath that took him into the hands of God. When Frank had left the house I remember asking him once, Frank you need to put things in perspective and think if you were in Tim's shoes whose face, whose lips would you want to see over yours. I could see a lightbulb go off but he said nothing and just tried to hurry up and leave my presence. I remember when he then called me and said Hon, there is nobody but you that I would want to see during my last breath here. So you see that's why I drive myself nuts sometimes with why, why, why didn't I just give him that kiss to lead him into the arms of God. Folks, I'm just being transparent here. I know that I know that I loved my husband with a love that sometimes I don't even understand. I know that I know that he left knowing that I loved him with all my heart but yet I wish that I had just given him that last kiss, that the last breath he felt over him was mine as he then felt the breath of life stand over him when he left his body into the presence of the Lord. Lord, help me please to get over this because it truly hurts so much. Help me Lord not to think on this but instead to think about the love that we shared and to remember how much we loved, we shared and how much I tried my best to show him agape love.
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AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
April 2016
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