There have been times lately where I sometimes feel that I'm just about to breakdown in tears. I think I sometimes hold myself back because I want to be strong and sometimes because I feel that if I start to cry and someone holds me there will be a flood of tears like a rushing river. I miss my husband so, so much. I know he's in heaven and that gives me such great joy but oh Lord I still miss him. I have often thought about my last moment's with my husband and have played over in my mind what I would have done differently if given the chance. I think of I wish I could have kissed him just as he took his last breath so my breath would go with him into heaven. I wish I had told him during those last minutes how much I love him and that I will miss him greatly. There is so much I wish I had done differently but I know the truth of the matter is that had I done those things, there would be other things I wish I had done because the bottom line is that when you lose someone you love you never feel like you do enough. I at least have peace that he knew I loved him with all of my heart and that I was a great wife to him. I was thinking the other day of a special time we had at our friend's Eddie's house during an awesome time of being in God's presence. My husband truly opened up his heart in front of many people he didn't know and just gave thanks to the Lord for me, for God restoring our marriage, and for his second chance. I can't even put into words everything my husband said but he basically said everything I had always prayed he would say after he came home and that was truly a gift for me that I will always treasure. On that day, more than any other, he affirmed for me how remorseful he was for the mistakes in our marriage and how much he loved me. I can't thank the Lord enough for answering my prayer and touching my husband like he did that day. It was truly a special day for both of us. It was truly a day where my husband but the past behind him and just wanted to show me and the world that he was serious about our love. A day I will always treasure.
The following is a poem I found today while surfing the net. It truly is beautiful.
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and
called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and
smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
and since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.
Buy you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
- Author Unknown.
1 Comment
7/4/2008 04:17:06 pm
Dee,
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AuthorI'm Dee, wife of the late Frank Nunez. I'm a woman of God who's depending on God to pull us through this loss. Archives
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